Twenty-four year old Sky was a creative, artistic, intelligent thinker who majored in photography at the University of California, Santa Cruz. He had an introverted personality, and was wearing a polyester retro-artist suit, sporting extended sideburns when he was introduced at Graceland at Santa Cruz, California.

When Sky took the microphone he announced, “hello. My name is Sky, and I’m not a Christian.” Many people at church that evening were shocked. They expected to hear a testimony about how Jesus had changed this man’s life. Instead, Sky explained why he was not a Christian. He said he had been raised in a nonreligious home. His parents divorced when he was young. He was never encouraged to go to church; instead his parents encouraged Sky to think for himself. His observations led him to believe that Christianity was a man-made organized religion filled with man-made rules based on opinions and politics.

Sky felt most Christians were closed-minded and judgmental. Whether the issue was sexual, ethical, or moral preferences, Christians were always ready to point out how others were wrong and they were right. He shared how he thought it is silly for the church in this age to cling to dogmatic opinions. Sky said, he thought Christians were shallow thinkers to believe they had the only true answers. Sky thought all religions and worldviews should be considered of equal value and beauty. He told the people that night that he not only rejected Christianity, but also was repelled by it. Sky said he was a very spiritual person, but made it clear that Christianity was one of the last religions he would ever consider following. In closing, Sky offered a word of advice. He cautioned the Christians there that night to listen to what he said, lest they make the same mistakes with others like him.

About two years later, Sky was baptized. At that time, he said, “I love Jesus and want to serve him with all my life.” Dan Kimball, the Pastor at Graceland says the difference was relationships. Sky said that this church had the first Christians he had seen actually worshipping God in a seriously spiritual way. He told them how much it impacted him when he saw people his age singing songs of joy to God, praying on their knees, and taking Jesus very seriously. He said, one Sunday evening he decided that he wanted to know the Jesus that he was experiencing through his friends and on Sunday nights at the worship service. Sky prayed, “Lord, I don’t understand everything that it is to follow you, but I have seen your power at work in other people and felt your presence. I want you to be my Savior and to be the center of my life.”

—The Emerging Church, Dan Kimball, pgs. 21-24, Zondervan, 2003. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

1 Peter 3:15-16 NIV “But in your hearts, set apart Jesus as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against you our good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

For more information on The Emerging Church, go to http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0310245648/fm082-20

A study of marriages in the state of Oklahoma has produced good news, and a challenge for churches. The study commissioned by Oklahoma Governor Frank Keating’s Oklahoma Marriage Initiative found that 82 percent of adults in the state have been married and 32 percent of all adults in the state have been divorced. Both numbers are higher than the national average.

Frank Choate, a member of the religious sector steering committee, says of the couples who reported being more active in a local church also reported higher levels of marital satisfaction, less frequent conflicts, and a lower likelihood of having thought about divorce. Choate said the finding “points out the incredible importance of (a couple) involved in a body of believers and how that nurtures their relationship. What it says is that even though some divorces happen in our churches, they are still the best place to nurture your relationship and family.”

—http://www.bpnews.net, August 21, 2002, Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Jim Sandell

Ephesians 5:25-27 NIV “Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or nay other blemish, but holy and blameless.”

A new study has found that the average Protestant pastor stays at one church for only five years, which is down from an average of seven years in 1981. Though another study found that “a pastoral leadership style perceived as too strong” is often one reason for the split between many churches and ministers. Despite the frightening statistics, many ministers believe their ministries can be bold, healthy, as long as they build relationships, which pave the way for acceptance of God’s word.

Barry Dagenhart of the First ARP Church in North Carolina says, “The first job is to get to know your people—not just their names, but their histories, families, illnesses, hopes, and fears.” Dagenhart adds, “ Just get to know people, and love ‘em.” Richard Newsome from another church in the area says, once a relationship is established and a pastor earns people’s trust, “they are eager for a preacher to help them distinguish right from wrong.” Steven Eason who pastors a large church in Charlotte North Carolina, sums up the power of relationships and the gospel. He says: “ If you read the Gospel and take it seriously, it’ll rattle your cage whether you’re there three years or not.”

—http://www.charlotte.com, New pastors rattling congregation’s cages, November 11, 2002. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Jim Sandell.

1 Thessalonians 2:6-7. NIV “We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children.”

People are the most important components of any job, whether you are a clerk in a department store, a student or a police officer, success in your occupation, is due in part, to your people skills. Unfortunately, many of us are so focused on our jobs that we ignore the people that we serve.

Authorities in Australia recently apologized to the family of a 71-year-old man because a police officer gave him a parking ticket while he lay dead in his car in the parking lot of a suburban shopping center.

Mayor Paul Denham said, "The circumstances surrounding the location of this poor fellow must make it all the harder for the family. It is simply a case of the parking officer not noticing."

—http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200510/s1487468.htm Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

How can a police officer not notice a dead man in a car? Perhaps he was so busy doing his job—putting tickets on cars—that he failed to do his job—to serve and protect.

Matthew 19:13-15 (KJV) "Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. [14] But Jesus said, 'Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.' [15] And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence."

In 1992, James Carville, Bill Clinton's political strategist, posted a message in Clinton's campaign headquarters that said, "It's the economy, Stupid." This was his straightforward, perhaps even abrasive way of keeping all the workers focused on the central theme of their campaign.

—http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/18/messages/764.html Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

Carville felt keeping the campaign focused on the economy was the key to a successful presidential bid for Clinton and he found a way to communicate the message that captured everyone's attention. In the same spirit, I wish to suggestion that the church needs to focus on a single word too—that word is "Relationships."

People have a deep need to enter into meaningful relationships with people who share their values. The church is a community of people, who voluntarily enter into relationship with one another to accomplish kingdom goals. It is a place where we minister and receive ministry.

John 15:12 (NASB) "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you."

Technology designed to make the workload of Human Resource departments lighter is frustrating many job seekers. While applicants once took a lot of time debating types of paper and fonts to make a good impression, the reality today is that the chance that a person will actually see your resume these days is less than 5 per cent. While applicants once had to impress a suit seated at a desk, now they must "impress" a computer programmed to eliminate a glut of job applicants.

Staffing strategist Gerry Crispin of CareerXroads in New Jersey says the process has become very impersonal. He says the heaviest weighted factor when a computer sorts resumes is an employee referral. Crispin says if you click that you heard about an opening through a current employee a box pops up asking you the name of that person. He says be sure anyone you list can actually vouch for you and adds, "At the end of the day, if an employee is being asked whom they'd like as a colleague, they're going to recommend somebody who they know will do a good job. It's not about race, gender; or age because corporations are still getting the diversity they want through referrals. It's about building relationships."

http://www.employmentdigest.net/2006/09/sorry-no-ones-reading-that-resume-you-sent/. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Jim Sandell.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (HCSB) "Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. [10] For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. [11] Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? [12] And if somebody overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

In "Encouraging the Heart", Kouzes and Posner write, "... at the heart of leadership is caring. Without caring, leadership has no purpose. And without showing others that you care and what you care about, other people won't care about what you say or what you know. As a relationship, leadership requires a connection between leaders and their constituents over matters, in the simplest sense, of the heart. It is personal and it is interpersonal."

Romans 12:10 (ESV) "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

In "Encouraging the Heart", Kouzes and Posner write, "The Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) in Colorado Springs has taken a look at the process of executive selection, and their results support Codianni's observation. Jodi Taylor, vice president of CCL, told us that in examining the critical variables for success for the top three jobs in large organizations, they found that the number one success factor is 'relationships with subordinates.'"

John 13:14 (ESV) "If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet."

In "Encouraging the Heart", Kouzes and Posner write, "Pay particular attention to personal relationships in time of change or crisis. Whenever you feel the demands of striving for extraordinary accomplishments, you especially need these relationships to assist you. Whether it's in coping with excessive stress or reaching deeper into your own inner resources, friends and supporters are the medicine you need."

Proverbs 17:17 (HCSB) "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time."

Recently, in Time Magazine, I read an article about the rise and fall of Gap Inc. The article discussed Paul Pressler, former CEO, and his leadership investment into the company. The first half of the article focused on Pressler's ability to create efficiency. It commented on the fact that since the beginning of his tenure in 2002, he alleviated 3.6 billion in debt; shares rose 66%, meaningfully improved the company's operations, strengthened its balance sheet, greatly enhanced its online presence, and improved their standing as a global corporate citizen.

But, the rest of the article described how Pressler's drive for efficiency led to a decrease in attention to the customer. As Pressler made the inner-workings of the company better, he lost focus on the most important thing—PEOPLE.

It is easy for the church to focus on better programming, quicker processes, and more efficiency in packaging the message, while losing sight of what our real work is—PEOPLE.

—http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1582322,00.html. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Eric Herrstrom.

John 10.11 "I am the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep."

His church uses social networking websites to reach people with their worship services, but Pastor Kerry Shook recently lead thousands of people around the country to observe a fast from Facebook and Twitter. Shook said he wanted to do something drastic to wake people up, and knew many would find going a day without e-mail, text messages, tweeting, and updating Facebook difficult. Shook says he lead the challenge to encourage people to act more intentionally in relationships with each other and with Christ.

Shook says social networking has redefined what “friend” means. He thinks people have accepted the idea that being connected to large numbers of people in cyberspace equates to being loved and important. Shook says, “Relationships take intentionality, effort, creativity and we talk about the art of acting intentional and risking awkwardness and stepping out. And sometimes it doesn’t feel natural at all to do the right thing and the commitment that it takes.” Shook admitted the fast was hard for him. His first tweet afterwards was, “I survived.”

--Megachurch Pastor Spearheads Facebook, Twitter Fast, http://www.christianpost.com/article/20100827/megachurch-pastor-spearheads-facebook-twitter-fast, August 27, 2010, Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Jim Sandell.

1 John 4:15-16 (ESV) “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. (16) So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

A new listing of churches within a denomination has found an interesting trend among young Christians. The survey conducted for Churches or Christ that most denominations are seeing a decline in overall membership. Carl Royster who conducted the survey says he found an increasing number of Americans who claimed no religious affiliation, and a lot of growth in independent or non-denominational churches. He says these congregations often have a wide background, and much of their growth has come at the expense of other Christian bodies.

Royster’s research found that many young people aged 18 to 29 say they want to be part of community of believers like the one described in Acts 2. That body shared with each other, and helped the poor. He says this generation wants more relationship than they do tradition. They prefer Jesus to religious rituals. Royster said the church should be aware of this and respond appropriately, but added there is something else that concerns him. Citing a recent study by Pew Forum on religion, Royster says, “One aspect that should truly be of concern for all Christians in America is the growth in the numbers of those that have no religious affiliation whatsoever. What is worse, for the Mosaic generation, ages 18-29, this figure was one in four. This increasing number of ‘unchurched’ really concerns me.”

--Declining numbers, but signs of hope? http://www.christianchronicle.org/article2159606~Declining_numbers,_but_signs_of_hope%3F ; April , 2012, Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Jim Sandell.

Acts 2:42-47 (HCSB) (42) And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to the prayers. (43) Then fear came over everyone, and many wonders and signs were being performed through the apostles. (44) Now all the believers were together and held all things in common. (45) They sold their possessions and property and distributed the proceeds to all, as anyone had a need. (46) Every day they devoted themselves ?to meeting? together in the temple complex, and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude, (47) praising God and having favor with all the people. And every day the Lord added to them those who were being saved.

In an effort to build relationships with their community, an Ohio church decided to open a store offering clothing, purses, shoes, sheets and toys absolutely free. The store is operated by the Women’s Ministry of the church. The idea came from an annual clothing giveaway the church used to do every July. The response to the free items was huge, as 1400 people come during the four hour event. Since the giveaway was so successful, the church decided to scale the event up to give them the opportunity to build relationships with more people each week.

The store is located in an air conditioned storage barn on church property, and is open one afternoon each week. Residents are required to sign up for a membership card, which allows them to take home a limited number of items once every three months. Those who come to the store are not asked to supply any information about their income. The store is supplied by donations from both the church and the community at large. All they ask is people to donate something they would be willing to wear themselves. Director Susan George said if the store’s popularity continues to grow, they have expansion plans in place. The future of the free store could include offering food items and expanding to a larger location. George said, “We’re representing Christ and we want these people to have clothes that make them feel good. We’re just going to let the Lord lead.”

--Church hopes free store helps build relationships, http://www.newarkadvocate.com/article/20120602/LIFESTYLE/206020328/Church-hopes-free-store-helps-build-relationships; June 2, 2012, Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Jim Sandell.

1Cointhians 9:22-23 CEV “When I am with people whose faith is weak, I live as they do to win them. I do everything I can to win everyone I possibly can. I do all this for the good news, because I want to share in its blessings.”

There is an invention, which is an article of clothing called “Like-A-Hug.” It is a “wearable social media vest” and was invented by MIT as a part of their Media Lab’s Tangible Media Group. It is essentially a vest that inflates, almost like a life jacket, every time one of your facebook friends “likes” something that you have posted on your facebook page. The inflation is intended to simulate the feeling you get when someone is hugging you, causing you to feel appreciated, significant, and loved.

In a society where pseudo-relationships are so easily accessible - it is important for the church to remember what true community and authenticity in relationships really looks like. God clearly intended for believers to be one body, living in community, and demonstrating his glory to the world through their love for one another. Let us never settle for the shallow minimum when it comes to our relationships. Instead, let us strive toward having deep and authentic relationships. –Jim L. Wilson and Tessa Johnstone

Like-A-Hug Facebook-Connected Vest Lets The Wearer Know They Are Liked
By Matt Burns http://techcrunch.com/2012/10/07/like-a-hug-facebook-connected-vest-lets-the-wearer-know-they-are-liked/ (accessed on October 27, 2012)

Hebrews 10:23-25 (HCSB) (23) Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. (24) And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, (25) not staying away from our ?worship? meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

Star linebacker Manti Te'o relationship with a former Stanford student named Lennay Kekua turned out to be a hoax! She never existed! A relationship we heard about for the last year is mere fiction.

Manti had us all caught up in the drama of his alleged girlfriends battle with leukemia, and finally her death! Te’o proclaimed the relationship was via the internet, and that he had never physically met her! --Jim L. Wilson and Steven Lennertz

—http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ncaaf/2013/01/16/manti-teo-girlfriend-hoax-deadspin/1840415/ (accessed 2-28-13)

1 John 4:15 (ESV) Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.

As a symbol for the University of Nevada, there is a large “N” formed by white rocks in a Nevada hillside near Reno, NV. In November, 2013, Brent Wilburn, in an effort to win the love of his ex-girlfriend, Tina, decided to add three additional letters to the “N” to spell out her name. Using chalk, he added an “A,” but then abandoned the effort. He spent 5 hours forming the “A,” got tired and left. Wilburn said, “‘I started with the ‘A’ and just ran out of steam.’

http://www.vercund.com/2013/11/23/man-starts-writing-hillside-message-to-win-back-ex-girlfriend-tina-but-gets-tired-and-gives-up/

For relationships to work, it takes dedication and commitment. Something Wilburn’s aborted stunt shows he doesn’t have.—Jim L. Wilson

Ruth 1:16-17 (NASB) But Ruth said, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. (17) "Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me."

In the 2013 movie Her, Theodore falls in love with Samantha, his name for the female voice behind a new operating system with artificial intelligence. Over time, he begins to lose the real relationships in his life as he falls for his virtual love interest. In the end, Samantha evolves to a higher level and another, less sophisticated operating system replaces her. In the end, Theodore snaps back into reality and encounters his loneliness again.

God made us to be in relationship with Him and with others. That is why He made us in His image. Despite the difficulties and disappointments we may experience, we need to be in community with one another. –Jim L. Wilson and Larry Blair

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV) And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, (25) not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

In his book, Replenish: Leading from a healthy Soul, Lance Witt writes, “Not only does technology generate a lot of internal white noise, it hinders our ability to focus on people. It seems to me many of us have developed a kind of social ADD. We can’t stay engaged in a conversation or an experience because we’re constantly checking, monitoring, tweeting, or texting. Even though it’s unintentional, we’re devaluing people and cheapening relationships.” –Jim L. Wilson

Ephesians 4:32 (HCSB) And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

An 81-year-old Michigan man recently discovered a son he didn’t know he had. In 1959 Tony Trapani’s ex-lover sent him a letter to inform him he had a son in Pennsylvania, but he never received the letter. His wife intercepted the letter and hid it from him for more than 50 years. When she died in 2014, he discovered the letter, and made contact with his newly found son. He was excited to meet his son and his family.

However a paternity test determined with 100% accuracy that they were not related. He found a family and lost a family in just a few months.

Only he didn’t lose the family. According his “family,” “The paper (test results) doesn’t mean anything to him. That bond has been made.” Even if biology says otherwise, it seems as if a father-son connection has been made.

The reaction of the two men is evidence of how hungry we are for relationships. Family connections are important to us. --Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/paternity-test-shows-mich-man-not-related-lost-son-article-1.2103881

Romans 12:9-21 (NKJV) Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. (10) Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; (11) not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; (12) rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; (13) distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (14) Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. (15) Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. (16) Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. (17) Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. (18) If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. (19) Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. (20) Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head." (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

A new app for your smartphone is called Invisible Boyfriend. It allows anyone to pretend they have a loving relationship with a boyfriend who sends text messages and leaves voicemails. According to the designer, Matthew Homann, “single women who use the app just want to use the text messages and voicemails to convince their friends and family that they are in a relationship.”

Pretend relationships are just the next step in a culture which has forgotten how to tell the truth. Our heart must go out to those who must have pretend relationships. A relationship with a real person is much more fulfilling. --Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell

1 John 4:7-8 (NKJV) Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. (8) He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

Dave Earley says, “Relationships can be understood as bank accounts. Realize it or not, you have a relational account with every person within your sphere of influence. Every positive interaction makes a deposit in that account. Every negative dealing with a person makes a withdrawal in your relational account with them.

We influence people most easily when there is a positive balance in the relational account. We struggle to influence people when there is little or no equity in the relationship account.”

Dave Earley, Pastoral Leadership is. . . : How to Shepherd God's People with Passion and Confidence (Nashville, TN: B&H Academic, 2012), 237.

John 15:13 (HCSB) No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.

Relationships

In “Restraint in Relationships,” Mike Clements writes, “Mustering restraint in hostile relationships can feel like walking through a minefield. Our footing will seem unsure as we meet hostility with restraint. God’s character and resurrection power help Christians rise above the hostility of this world. God’s life allows us to love the unpleasant and endure antagonism from sinners.”

Psalm 119:18 (HCSB) “Open my eyes so that I may contemplate wonderful things from Your instruction.”

The results of a Dartmouth Medical School scientific study titled Hardwired to Connect, said that if you want to pass truth and values on to your children or young people, you must do two things:

You must model that very truth in the presence of the child or they will walk away.

Ask yourself what kind of relationship you have built with a child or young person. Have you been living that truth in a non-hypocritical way before them? —Jim L. Wilson and Stephen Hayes

Proverbs 22:6 (HCSB)“Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

The so-called experts, whoever they are, gave us a list of things that are good for us. Things like organic foods, saunas, full-fat dairy, to-do lists, leg exercises, and turmeric. One thing that is good for us that is even more surprising than the above is holding hands. The University of Colorado tells us that holding hands can reduce physical pain. Using brain scans, the University researchers found that holding hands can reduce the intensity of pain by an average of 34%.

The lead author for the study says the research “illustrates the power and importance of human touch.” This is just another reason we need each other. We need to have other people to complete us. God created us to be in relationship. —Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

Genesis 2:18 (CSB)“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.’”

A hotel chain in Japan has admitted making a mistake when they replaced their humans with robots. They discovered that the Robots that have been serving as front-desk staff, cleaners, porters, and in-room assistants are expensive to service, unable to answer many customer questions, and prone to annoying habits. They will all be let go and replaced with human beings.

Sometimes the people we work with can be annoying, too. However, in Japan they discovered that it is easier to build relationships with other humans than androids. Have you ever tried to love a robot or to encourage it? —Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

Hebrews 10:24–25 (CSB)“And let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.”

Have you walked past a group of young people sitting at a coffee shop recently only to see all of them looking at their smartphones. They have gathered at a “third space” to hang out, but let their phones interfere with the people sitting around the table with them.

If you have seen this, then you will not be surprised that a recent study from the Barna group reported that 68% of teenagers surveyed admitted that their smart devices interfere with “real conversations,” and that 32% reported that they separate them from others.