According to researcher George Barna, the ratio of Christians who have been divorced is higher than the percentage of non-Christians. In his sample of almost 4000 adults, Christians led non-Christians in divorce by a margin of 3 percentage points, 27% to 24%.

Perhaps the number of non-Christians that live together, without the benefit of marriage, and the number of Christians that find their faith after divorce should be taken into account. Nevertheless, the numbers are frightening.

Hebrews 13:4 NLT "Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery."

Best-selling author and marriage and family therapist Michelle Weiner-Davis perceptively states in Divorce Busting that "you can't make a person want the marriage to work if he or she is determined to get out…. You may be doing everything [almost] right and it still doesn't work."1

Divorce Busting (New York: Summit Books, 1992), p. 230. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

Conventional wisdom has taught for years that divorce is the best option for a bad marriage, but a study recently conducted by the University of Chicago is shattering that myth. Linda Waite, lead author of the report said, “Staying married is not just for the children’s sake. Some divorce is necessary, but results like these suggest the benefits for divorce have been oversold.”

The primary conclusion of the study was that divorce did not increase the level of happiness of individuals in troubled marriages. There was “about the same proportion of couples who avoided divorcing despite an unhappy marriage ended up happy five years later as those who split up.”

Has divorce been oversold in our culture? I’d agree with the author of the study. What hasn’t been oversold though is the concept of keeping wedding vows.

“But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband [11] (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away. [12] But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, let him not send her away. [13] And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, let her not send her husband away. [14] For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. [15] Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. [16] For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? [17] Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And thus I direct in all the churches.”

Divorce has always been relatively easy for a Moslem male, all he had to do was tell his wife “I divorce you” three times and it was done. But now it’s gotten a lot easier. An Islamic court recently ruled that men could now divorce their wives by sending them a text message over their cellular phones. Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad commented on the ruling by saying, “I think if people want to divorce their wives, they should resort to a much more personal approach.”

—Newsweek, August 11, 2003, p. 21 Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

I’d agree that a personal approach is better than an impersonal one, but would prefer men not stop there but also take a spiritual approach. Marriage should never be taken lightly and marriage vows should be honored at all costs. Even though divorce isn’t as simple in non-Islamic countries as “sending a text message” it is easy enough. Divorce should be the last resort, not the first option.

Matthew 5:31-32 NASB "And it was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; [32] but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

Divorce not only kills a marriage, but most of the time doesn’t solve the money problems that can lead to it.

Leslie Haggin Geary, Staff Writer for CNN/Money says that money problems can be a major source of conflict in the home, but she doesn’t think divorce improves the problems. She writes, “…money woes are among the leading causes of divorce. But in many cases, your financial troubles get worse—not better—after you bid adieu to your ex.”

—http://money.cnn.com/2002/05/01/pf/saving/q_divorce/ Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

Malachi 2:16 (NASB) "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the Lord of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

In their book, Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage Lee Raffel and Jean Houston give eight common reasons for divorce:

1.. Chronic abuse—sexual and physical

Jessica Squier of Montrose, PA has an opinion on divorce that deserves a hearing. She said, "I'm sick of seeing selfish parents trying to reason that divorce is for 'everyone's good.' The best thing to do for your child is to work out your problems in the marriage. We kids become very insecure when our world is shaken. And even though it may not show up on the outside when our parents break up, it leaves a scar. Trust me I'm 14 and I know."

—Reader's Digest, April 2002, p 16 Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

Malachi 2:16 NASB "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the Lord of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

John Steinbeck got his first divorce when he was 38 after falling in love with Gwen Conger, a 20-year-old singer. He invited Conger to his house, sat her down in a room with his wife and said, "I want you two gals to talk this out, and the one who feels she really wants me the most, gets me." Steinbeck then left the room. Conger got him. When they divorced 9 years later, Steinbeck said, "Well there goes that experiment."

—Biography Magazine, Feb 2002, p. 85. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

With such a cavalier attitude about marriage, no wonder his relationships headed toward divorce.

Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce," says the Lord, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the Lord of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

There are times that divorce is the best way to dissolve a bad situation. In her book, for Better or Worse, Mavis Hetherington affirms that divorce has rescued families from domestic abuse, and has provided some people "with remarkable opportunity for life-transforming personal growth."

—Newsweek, 1-28-02, p. 60 Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

Moses and Jesus both allowed divorce. Moses wrote, "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house," (Deut. 24:1 NASB) Jesus amplified his words in Matthew 5:32 when He said, "but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity…"

That is the exception. The rule is clearly stated in Mark 10:9, when Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."For more information on For Better or Worse, go to: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393048624/fm082-20

Writing for USA Today, Sharon Jayson summed up "The Future of Children," a journal published by the Brookings Institution and Princeton University's Woodrow Wilson School, saying, "Children from two-parent families are better off emotionally, socially and economically..."

—http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/life/20050913/d_healthymarriage13.art.htm Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

There may be times where divorce makes a parent's life easier, but on the whole, it does untold damage to children.

Malachi 2:13-16 "And this is another thing you do: you cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning, because He no longer respects your offerings or receives [them] gladly from your hands. [14] Yet you ask, 'For what reason?' Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have acted treacherously against her, though she was your marriage partner and your wife by covenant. [15] Didn't the one [God] make [us] with a remnant of His life-breath? And what does the One seek? A godly offspring. So watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously against the wife of your youth. [16] 'If he hates and divorces [his wife],' says the Lord God of Israel, 'he covers his garment with injustice,' says the Lord of Hosts. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously."

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a non-profit association of attorneys, surveyed their 1500 members and compiled a report of the results of that survey in a booklet entitled Making Marriages Last. In it, they say, “Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons more often than others. They are: poor communication, financial problems, a lack of commitment to the marriage, a dramatic change in priorities, [and] infidelity.”

—http://www.aaml.org/Marriage_Last/MarriageLastText.htm Illustration by Jim L. Wilson

Other sources I read cited abuse, drugs and Internet addictions as other causes of divorce, but I do believe the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers is a good source for this kind of statistic—after all, divorce lawyers should have a feel for these trends. Financial problems can negatively impact a home.

On one level, poverty itself is a problem that can lead to hopelessness, despair and can contribute to relationship problems. Given the choice between being rich or poor, most of us would choose wealth, but having a lot of money doesn’t necessarily solve our money problems. What would you fill in this blank with? If I only had ____________ then I would have enough! Take a minute. Fill in the blank. The only word that can fill that blank adequately is the word “contentment.” The only way we will think we have enough is when we become content.

1 Tim. 6:6-8 NASB “But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment. [7] For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. [8] And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.”

“One British department store chain, Debenhams, has launched a gift registry for couples that are calling it quits so that family and friends can help them ‘begin their new life.’”

At one time, our society discouraged divorce and championed marriage. One of the benefits of the stigma of divorce was that it encouraged couples to work through problems and keep their unions. Those days are past. Now we have social institutions that work against marriage.

--The Week January 29, 2010 p. 6. Illustration by Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell

Matthew 19:3-9 (NIV) “Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" (4) "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' (5) and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? (6) So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (7) "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" (8) Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (9) I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Marriage is the foundation of a stable society. It provides a secure place to rear the next generation of citizens. For years, we believed that families were best for the children. In 1962, half of all adult women believed that parents in bad marriages should stay together for the children’s sake. Then everything changed. By 1980, 80% of adult women believed everybody would be happier if bad marriages dissolved.

The result has been a generation raised in broken homes. Susan Gregory Thomas, writing in her book, In Spite of Everything, says, “For most of my generation—Generation X, born between 1965 and 1980—there is only one question: “When did your parents get divorced?”

In spite of everything she promised to herself about how her life and marriage would be different, from finding a spouse that agreed with her to living together eight years prior to marriage, to make sure they were compatible, their marriage ended in divorce while their children were still in the home.

The marriage of a German couple came to an end when the wife left him for another lover. The man, identified only as Martin, posted a video online of the way they, or at least he, handled the disbursement of their possessions. He split them evenly, literally in half. “The video shows him sawing all their possessions in half—including their TV remote, dining room chairs, sofa, and their car.”

Martin had a simple explanation for why he took such drastic action: “I was really angry.”

When the vow of marriage, til death do we part, is broken, there are many hurt and crushed feelings. Anger is one of them. Spouses should take that vow seriously. --Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

Matthew 19:4-6 (HCSB)“Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female,” (5) and He also said: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? (6) So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”

Psychologist and researcher Judith Wallerstein spent 25 years studying the results of the shift in divorce laws that occurred in the 1970’s. No fault divorce swept the nation beginning in 1969, and by 1980, the divorce rate had doubled. Wallerstein was asking the question, “what about the children?”

Her research reveals the long-term effects for adult children of divorce. Those effects are less education, lower income, poorer mental and physical health, more suicide, weakened parent-child relationships, (particularly with fathers) more cohabitation, problematic marriages, and a higher likelihood of divorce. –--Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

Mary Jackson, Sins of their Fathers and Mothers, World Magazine, June 11, 2016 pp. 50-53

Matthew 19:6 (HCSB “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.”

As the divorce rate for young people is dropping, the rate for people 50 and over doubled from 1990 to 2014. Late-life divorce (also called “silver” or “gray” divorce) is becoming more common, and more acceptable. In 2014, people age 50 and above were twice as likely to go through a divorce as in 1990, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. For those over 65, the increase was even higher.

There are several explanations given for the increase. One explanation is that many older people are in second marriages; the divorce rate is about two and a half times larger for those who have remarried and are often grappling with blended families or greater financial challenges.

Life expectancy also plays a role. People in their 50’s or 60’s are in marriages that are no longer satisfying or loving and they are asking, “Do I really want 30 more years of this?”

A third explanation is that divorce no longer holds the stigma it once did. Al and Tipper Gore split up in 2010 after 40 years of marriage and four children. Alabama governor Robert Bentley, and his wife, Dianne, who filed for divorce one month after their 50th wedding anniversary.

Biblical marriage is a lifetime commitment. None of the explanations makes divorce the right thing to do. –--Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/31/your-money/after-full-lives-together-more-older-couples-are-divorcing.html?_r=0

Matthew 19:4–6 (HCSB) “’Haven’t you read,’ He replied, ‘that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female,’ ⁵ and He also said: ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.’”

One of the five myths of marriage discussed in a Washington Post article on marriage is that marital affairs are the main cause of divorce. As bad as an affair is for a marriage, destroying the foundation of trust, the affair is typically a result rather than the cause of a disintegrating marriage.

“In a study from the Divorce Mediation Project, 80 percent of divorced men and women cited growing apart and loss of a sense of closeness to their partner as the reason for divorce. Only 20 to 27 percent blamed their separation on an extramarital affair.”

The study showed that “partners who have affairs are usually driven to them not because of a forbidden attraction but because of loneliness. There were already serious, if subtle, problems in the marriage before the affair occurred.”

This study reinforces the need for each of us to work hard to build strong and meaningful relationships with our spouse. It takes a commitment to love your spouse the way Christ loved the church. —Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/five-myths/five-myths-about-marriage/2018/06/01/5646e650-6438-11e8-a69c-b944de66d9e7_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.5334038a207e

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

Joshua Rogers remembers what he felt like when his parents divorced. He said it felt like a death, his parents had died. He became an orphan of sorts -- a little less loved.

Parents can never forget the ways their relationship with their spouse affects the children. In a world of divorce and single parent homes, we have an army of children feeling like orphans. —Jim L. Wilson and Rodger Russell.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her